in my heart

3:03am: 24 hours.
theres a way to go about, things that you do
i could be very mean ,or it could be you
i could be very green, or i could be blue
theres many things that id like to say too
but these things are unseen an must be true
used to be a team, now its motherfuckin thru
used to be a g, but now im sayin who
used to coach this game, now im just the crew
so if you want to find me, better look boo
cuz it aint no game, when im talkin bout moo

10:15pm: so i type a text to girl i used to see, to tell her that without her i cannot breathe
she turns around and tells me this is how the game goes, and this how it gotta be
even tho she got me on my knees i take the news horrible, no why me
i dont think she understands whats goin on, on my insides
thats why blow smoke sheilds to cover up my eyes
why evreyday no matter what i gotta re-live my lies
i guess the past will come and bite you in the ass..SURPRISE!
doesnt even matter how much you think you kno or realize
life is such a bitch, its better learned now than later
i dont kno what mistakes were made, but broken is how i made her
and evreyday im reminded of how much pain i gave her
all i care about is that i AM the father, like darth vader
im tryna fool proof a plan, like a god damn creator
but i just feel so let down, like shes a mother fuckin traitor
its like shes sittin down with him, and im the fuckin waiter
but she didnt come up with the game, she is just a player....

9:55am: CANT STOP WONT STOP, CRAZY AS I EVER BEEN
ooooooooooooooooooooook


whats up bitch ass niggas, i cant get a welcome back?
shake a motherfucker up, like im beatin pussy in the sack
you keep thinkin that im dull, but im sharper than a tack
make you duck and dodge me, like im aiming wit the strap
but evreytime i turn around, another niggas gettin slapped

wanna try papa bear, well i suggest you bring an army
cuz i aint all there, and im smokin like bob marley
make a funny ass nigga drop dead like chris farley
answer to the questions, fuck no you cant harm me


ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

7:17am: 7am
seven in the morning, time to bake my brain
time to make a change, before i go insane
get up take a breather, dont take the roll
you grab the heater, ill just grab the bowl
ill get my mind correct, you wont need to assit
ill fade away in my mind, its like you dont even exsist
a different time, a different place, a different scheme
i slung evrey drug, but you guys remember them beans
i dont gotta come up, cuz i aint never been down
im been runnin round town, controlin them pounds
i did this evreyday, before you and after you
i do drugs evreyday, before you and after you
you stuck on that weed, well im stuck on some shit
they say NO it can kill you! i say give me a hit


ps.

i told em...dont drop this, and dont ziploc that
right in the stem is where i was gonna put that crack

9:30am: im the heater tucked, right in your waist
im the thought u had, to shoot up the place
im the blunt in the AM, u take to the head
im the heartbreak u felt, might leave u dead
im the anger inside, cuz you have no more
im the bullet shot, left u dead on the floor

this is me stay high stay fly till i die
just somethin i do really couldnt tell why
dont really care bout much but who really does
dont say you want me and approach me with hugs
this is different its buissness just get off my dick
and i promise not to fuck your girlfriend and split
you got my word son you say we family im family back
cocked strap,now tell me who really stays true to that?

10:05am: grip the pen tight again, it feels like winter inside
write my shit so fast that, me an a lambo woulda tied
i aint never been to heaven, but i know heat like hell
wether it was packin heat, or heated cuz it wouldnt sell
evreyday another hustle, you know dope deals and robbery
then my papa wasnt around, but that shit didnt bother me
sometimes you gotta be cold, but i must stay colder
i got a good brain on top, and in my sock a boulder
an a match between devil and angels on my shoulder
i feel like i couldve been no worse since im older
i aint never felt right, lookin into those eyes
i aint never felt right, way you let out them crys
remembering is in fact just the cousin of death
the way it rips and burns, will take your breathe
i used to look back, pray i dont remember these
signs and pictures that bring back these memorys

9:29am: evreytime i let the beat drop, you see where my mind takes place
big guns big drugs big bucks, and when you run up hide your face
theres no killin without me, you kno im a tag team partner
if you got shaky knees call me, im just a real shit starter
if you know me you already know, i cant be on the block with snow
to much bullshit on my block, so we gotta find a safer place to go
talkin without walkin believe me, that shit is just played out
when the fuck you sold crack, with no parents an just stayed out
only person close to that, is b-bear and hes a tempered cat
i feel the struggle, represent, and hes remembered in my rap
dont give up the struggle, push foward i bet they dont tell ya that
well dont believe them nigga, when you seen them in the trap

11:07am: i go hard about my shit, im not playin no games
this is about the money, an gettin high like planes
i aint ashamed of who i am, or how this shit is insane
i just walk up snort up, and this shit hits my brain
come up so fast flyin, like you just got hit by a train
fuck your dramatic flow, makin shit up this aint the same
this is about real drugs, not some bullshit i just claim
addiction roars like a lion, but you still tryna tame
the beast within you chasin, but your the only one to blame
chase it dont fight it, you kno your gonnna like it
the way it whispers in your ear, "come on dont fight it"
nip nip duck duck, wait a second what the fuck
put that down who is that, sittin in that fuckin truck
paranoia got you goin, but you kno its all inside
makes you wanna sit still, but at the same time just ride
you dont wanna ever stop, hey i dont wanna ever stop
tell me where i can find the money for an 8ball to cop

11:17pm: god damn motherfucker, turn the lights off quick
im tryna bust a move man, let me get this lick
it dont take brains, it really dont take a thing
just keep my name out of it, if you decide to sing
the cops come trippin, you kno i was in bed sir
here my mema vouch for me, yeah he was in bed sure
dont take shit for granted, cuz tommorrow could fade
never take another breathe, loose evreything i made
this is a steppin stone, steppin into the zone
same zone that ur in, when d wont pick up his fone
ima leave u alone, fuck money u got fat bitches to bone
by the way fuck a punchline, step away from my throne
god damn dumb nigga, how the fuck you hustlin
you just losin clients, the cops aint bustin in
fuck it then, ill take the cards i was delt
why should i pay a high price, fuck how it felt

11:58am: you sat there with that stem, smokin hard till ya lips was numb
now the same people that loved ya left ya, sayin you just a bum
cant handle the truth or the real realization to what youve become
livin homeless on the street now to the public considered just scum
mom i aint tryna hurt ya, but its really time for a reality check
instead of checkin for checks, how bout you give yourself respect
loosin touch loosin sight, listen here ive seen it all before
most girls lost themself in the street, either for drugs or more
started an addiction to early, whats early? when you ready for
somethin so crule rip your insides out, raped like a steady whore

10:58am: I know a lot about drugs and the drug war, both personally and professionally. Drugs have had a positive and a detrimental impact on my life. I have laughed, played and found inspiration while intoxicated. I have also struggled, fought and cried because of my addiction to drugs.

I have spent so much time working and studying all that is positive to reform drug laws. I have read thousands of newspapers articles, had thousands of conversations and spent thousands of days thinking about drugs. What follows are the top 10 (plus one) things I have learned from my immersion with drugs and the drug war.

1. Drugs are everywhere. Despite a $40 billion a year "war on drugs" and political speeches about a "drug-free society," our society is swimming in drugs. Cigarettes, sugar, alcohol, marijuana, Prozac, Ritalin, Viagra, steroids and caffeine. The vast majority of Americans use drugs on a regular basis. People always have and always will.

2. Different people have different relationships with different drugs. My girlfriend is someone who can enjoy an occasional cigarette and only smokes when she drinks. I am an addict who cannot control my cigarette problem. If I have one cigarette, I will end up smoking a pack a day. Some people have serious problems with alcohol and can't enjoy even a single drink. I can handle alcohol and enjoy a drink or two some nights, leave it alone on others, and I rarely have negative experiences with it. Different strokes for different folks.

3. People use drugs for joy and for pain. Many people enjoy using mind- and body-altering substances. How many of us enjoy having some drinks and going out with friends? How many of us enjoy a little smoke while with friends? Many people bond with others or find inspiration alone while high on drugs.

On the flip side, many people self-medicate to try to ease the pain in their lives. How many have us have had too much to drink to drown our sorrows over a breakup or some other painful event? How many of us smoke cigarettes to deal with anxiety or stress?

4. Drug abuse does not discriminate, but our drug policies do. Rush Limbaugh, Noelle Bush and Patrick Kennedy remind us that drug addiction does not discriminate. Unfortunately, our drug policies do. Ninety-three percent of the people incarcerated under New York's draconian Rockefeller drug laws are black or Latino, despite equal drug use among blacks and whites. >>Treatment for the privileged, jail for the poor.<<

5. Relapse happens. Anyone who has tried to quit cigarettes knows that relapse happens. I have unsuccessfully tried to quit cigarettes 15 times. While we know that drug treatment is more humane and more effective than prison, it is not a silver bullet. Many people will quit, relapse and need support to quit again.

6. Smoking five cigarettes is better than smoking 20. Using marijuana is better than using heroin. Many well-intentioned people think drugs are terrible and abstinence is always the answer. I believe that progress can be made, even if someone continues to use drugs. My 60yo stepdad is a pack-a-day smoker. After some serious health problems, he is now down to smoking two cigarettes a day. This is progress. Some people who have struggled with heroin have been able to quit heroin, but still use marijuana. Our criminal justice system and many in the abstinence-only treatment world would view this as a failure and send the marijuana smoker to jail. I say congrats on giving up heroin. Keep it up.

7. Drug abuse is bad, but the drug war is worse. Locking someone up in a cage for using marijuana or some other drug when no harm has been done to anyone else, is cruel and inhumane. People who prohibit clean syringes to reduce the spread of HIV have blood on their hands. Denying financial aid to students who have a drug offense is counterproductive. Many of our country's laws are more harmful than the substances they are trying to combat.

8. Prohibition doesn't work. Prohibition is responsible for most of the violence associated with drugs. We tried to prohibit alcohol in the 1920s. It did not get rid of alcohol, but it did create a black market for hooch, and empowered and enriched violent gangsters like Al Capone. Marijuana and cocaine are not responsible for the drug war shootouts. What is responsible is the fact that both are worth more than gold because they are illegal. It is the underground trade of these drugs that causes people to kill each other over the right to sell them. No one is shooting anyone else over a Budweiser anymore.

9. Drugs and the drug war touch most families. Almost every family in America has to deal with drug addiction or the war on drugs. Millions of people have a loved one behind bars on drug charges. Many millions more have struggled themselves or have a loved one who has dealt with addiction to illegal or legal drugs. By declaring a "war on drugs" we have declared a war on ourselves.

10. We have to learn how to live with drugs, because they aren't going anywhere. The drug war has been waged over the last 30 years. Currently we have 500,000 people behind bars on drug charges. We spend $40 billion a year, and despite the decades of war, incarceration rates and money spent, drugs are as plentiful as ever and easily accessible. We have to accept that drugs have been around for thousands of years and will be here for thousands more. We need to educate people about the possible harm from drug use, offer compassion and treatment to people who have problems and leave in peace the people who are causing harm to no one.

*Bonus point: The public is ahead of the politicians. The majority of Americans supports treatment instead of incarceration. Californian voters passed Proposition 36 in 2000. Since its passage, more than 60,000 people have received treatment instead of jail for their nonviolent drug offenses. Eleven states have approved medical marijuana for sick and dying patients. It is the timid politicians who are resistant to change. We need to continue to demonstrate to our leaders that we want an end to the war on our families. If the people lead, the leaders will follow.

11:18am: dont you get it twisted, evrey nigga i kno feel like me
gotta keep the dope movin, but nobody i kno deal like d
do i live a life of hard drugs, yes that nigga i might be
from evreything ive seen and done, thrown off yes slighty
fuck goin to the candy shop, how bout i just go to bed
i aint worryed about you homie, you could end up dead
it aint no thing for me, we can do it if you man enough
cuz ill leave so many holes, leave you and your man rough
crip, blood, vice lord, what gang is just simpy irrelevant
i keep it gangsta evreywhere, me bein hood is simply evident
dont try to bring me down, bitch nigga just get on my level
but to be where im at, you have to make a deal with the devil
see anyone talking bad, consider them just a dead man talkin
cuz they aint knoin how i do, i make a dead man in a coffin
so rookie go on and flex up, i dont care whats your intention
cuz to me your a fuckin bitch, and i wont give you attention

9:45am: wake up? well thats if i even sleep.
no eating, no sleeping, thats how i like it.
whys my nose gotta feel like its gonna fall off
distance evreyday becomes more of a friend
but evreyday its the same person leaving
and evrey morning the same person comming back
i use my days here to observe
i am the key, and observation is the lock
should never speak a word, so call me fake
so they only know about drugs, call it fate
never say we, cuz theres no team in we
always say me because i have the gun
never look back, that will only cause pain
thats only if you can remember what pain is
i wonder where my heart is?
most likely the bottom of the sea.
memory is the key to death.
if you have a good memory, forget.
forget evreything i ever saw.
then they have the nerve to call you fake
then again thats the least of my concerns
keep on moving

2:53pm: this is for all the soft bitches, talk all that shit behind your back but wont say it in ya face, fuck you.

say it to my face
bitch nigga wouldnt dare, you kno ill lay you down
talkin sideways about me, not in my fuckin town
say it to my face
come on and try me, im sick of talkin lets go
and dont think i wont hit ya, just cuz ya a ho
say it to my face

now i dont kno who talkin, but you best step up
cuz the way i get down, im finna spray shit up
stupid hos shut up, cuz you jealous and i see it
take my life into you mind, dreamin you wanna be it
i dont need a mic, i dont even need a beat
all i need is that clip, instered in that heat
ill pull up on ya block like what the fucks poppin
then ima get to chop chop choppin
bodys gonna start drop drop droppin
and you can call the police, but my ass aint stoppin
im sick of all you lame ass bitches that be hatin
one question i gotta ask is wheres the money your makin
OH i thought so, so why dont you just stop frontin
talkin all this bullshit, bicth you aint got nothin
been there done that, i already told ya before
been there done that, i already told ya they whores
wishin you were rich, talkin about what your parents bought
well this is a reality check, you aint that and you got caught

10:40am: I'd like to make public announcement:

Banana wake up you lazy yellow fruit.

that is all.

10:19am: if you desire love, then you desire the wrong thing entirely.

you cant find love, you can only find dirty whores who say they love you just like they said to evreyother person they fucked that week
dont let these whores pull a fast one on you.

you cant desire love, love comes to you, god damnit didnt you know?

9:58am: depression is inside all drugs, it lures its victims with amazing highs then bringing them straight down to the firey pits of reality so they crave more to get them thru the day and more to let them escape reality and more just for the moment and more and more and more and more and more and more, untill they finally die.

its easy to see, unless your caught up in it and cant think straight, you feel this is the most amazing thing why would anyone try to stop you they should just join in too, are they crazy?


gone off the deep end is right, where is reality when you want to touch it, haha you spent so much time trying to loose touch but when you want to touch it where is it now?

10:27pm: its all just artifical happiness....
drugs that is.

as a matter of fact.

im glad i just said that, im glad you just read that
why do they say then can set you free, but you fall flat
i want to know all that, i want to know all rap
like point me in the direction to the X on that map
and i aint commin back, no im never commin back
i leave a verbal and physical attack so packed
leave your jaw dropped pissed like you got jacked
this aint no cane man, i dont got no game plan
i just got more love for this, then a football game fan
you can keep all the shit, i just want the passion behind it
the full-fillment i get out of my work is so deep, your blinded
i dont want to talk to you's, i dont want to walk with you's
just step back from my kicks, and jump in someone elses shoes
you got this game twisted lookin at it from the sidelines
i kno the rules to this game, i was here when they wrote guidelines
so why you try to tell me different, when i kno the rules
it goes keep your team on top, dont be scared to bust tools
dont let them talk to much, dont be scared to bust fools
spray them niggas so wet, swear they swam in 5 pools
ive been thru this game plenty of times before
plenty of times before, i ran right thru these whores
how are you gonna tell me, what i made possible
now you think your a monster, well guess what your stoppable
dont try to buck up at me, ill bounce you back like rubber bands
you thinkin bout some gun play, ill kill you with my bare hands

listen fuck you niggas, with your weak ass rhymes
fuck you dealers with your skimp ass dimes
fuck you wanna be robbers with your weak ass crimes

you can say what you want
you can stunt what you want
but what you callin baby, i took advantage of that cunt
fuck your lil plans and your so called game
i built this what you stand on, this so called game
so evreything you do and say, you best be thankin me
so after all this shit ive done, dont say i hung on for free

this is the worst replay in memory that i could every have
and if the reason im here today, is cuz i never had a dad
well then fuck him, fuck you, and whoever else is down
cuz at the rate im goin, im either dead or just jail bound
i dont give a damn about a thing, so you can stop right here
i swear to god ill set myself to sea, just drop me off by the pier
i hate you guys more then i hate myself, and thats alot of hate
i wonder if i could travel in a boat, and float right out of state
this is a lousy excuse for what i used to call reality, this is pure hate.

9:54pm: man i hate you hos, just thought id let you kno
soon as its in my hands, just thought id let it snow
make sure the clip is full, just thought id let it go

wait wait wait, let me start this over...

all you fuck bitches make me hurt, more then i can hurt you
thats incredible really, cuz your not even ready for what i can do
i dont understand how you see pretending as some kind of fun
it really makes me feel like i should murder you one by one
i get lost in my nightmares, all i hear are horiffic crys
how you take this for a game, makes me wonder about u guys
am i really just plain crazy, or this all a dream
how i live my life god damnit, its all a scheme
suicide crosses my mind daily, i hate evreything about me
but my fingers to weak, thoughts about what they'd do without me
this is a true story, i cant run away from how i feel
this is a true story, i was right there makin the deal
to much hate in my blood, why would you even try
its like you woke up and decided that you wanted to die
i gotta stay strong not for myself but for my homie
and you just judge me from lookin bitch you dont kno me

9:46pm: im takin out niggas minds, cuz thats what im after
besides the chedder, next best things the blaster
dont care about haters, cuz im straight smashin brains
an the reason they aint rappin, is cuz i snatched the game
you fuck niggas wanna be me, but you can never get to exact
put you bitches back in place, how the fuck im supposed to react
all it takes is the, left right left right around the room
or the snap, crack, lock and load and then you hear the boom
i fuckin love this game bitch, so try to step ups and stay ups
next wrong move and ill be forced to let it go and spray fucks
took to many lines tonight, your movements are startin to makin me wonder
if your tryna fuck me over, an if i gotta send more boom then thunder
an addicts mind and lets not forget, this is an addicts feelings
not just from the side of feinding, but from the side of dealings
im from the land of where the dead died, came back from death and arose
the same niggas evreyday that rob you, just so they can get cane up in there nose

and then the flim stopped
they had to switch rolls
and then the beat stopped
i had to switch flows

i used to be a fighter, but now im an all nighter
dont need no jewlery, i just keep the cane whiter
small cats buck up so hard, untill its time for a fight
run they mouth so much, but game time is stage fright
keep my cash flow commin, double evreytime im cuttin
that cash in my hands, means i dont do this for nothin
thats not a medaphor, id just like to be plain an straight
dont bite off more then you can chew, cuz im a big ass plate
i keep my confidence up, i keep your chances low
cuz at the rate im goin, at any point a bullet can blow
aint scared of nobody, not enough time in your lives
to much of a struggle, you can see the pain in my eyes
tryed to play a fair game, but they kept goin outta bounds
so i locked and loaded, and kept goin till i was outta rounds
i wipe the heater clean, then i get myself outta town
safe and sound, so when the feds come im never found
raw and uncut man, go up your nose and damn
come holla at ya boy man, its 60 a gram
punk ass's all around, talkin shit what is this
let off the whole round, i handle my buissiness

1:01pm: dont pretend like you dont read this, you better comment you motha fucka's!



If you think sobriety(Let me break it down for you retarded folks, being sober.) is any different from staying fucked up all the time, your entirely wrong. Being sober is a drug in itself, it feels exactly like getting fucked up in the sense that its just plain weird.
No one should talk about drugs unless they lived the life, and no one on lj could tell me a damn thing about how they live this life cuz ya dont. I kno one person on here that lives this shit evreyday, and i kno one person that watches. I aint talkin weed, that is childs play, thats elementry. Im talkin grown folk shit, cuz this a grown mans flow.
This isnt about doing drugs to run away from your inner feelings because your really depressed inside, this is talkin you live it cuz u want to. Unless youve gotten deep into this you really dont kno yourself as well as you think you do. You really dont kno how you would react, how it feels to panic, how it feels to think your crazy. All you sober folks should raise up off a nigga, let your fucked up friend do what they gotta do. They kno what they are doin, its there body. finally this is for the block....

when you was out playin, i was becomin a grown man
tryna get the cash, when evreyone said nobody can
i didnt listen then, and i sure as hell wont listen now
untill the cash it to the ceiling, got evreybody sayin how?
i love to grind, i love my mind, i love to shoot
i love to smoke, i love my dope, i love the loot
there aint a thing in this world, id rather do
then be right here nigga, grindin with you
to be right here nigga, just livin the truth
wether i gotta spit it here, or right in the booth
the streets talk homie, well they talk to me
they tell me to keep pushin, go and make a g
i keep on movin and movin, i try not to think
i just keep on doin this, i dont even blink
before this dope shit, the hood ate me alive
i didnt want to do this, i just wanted to die
but that was the past, im back better then ever
and when im gonna die nigga is prolly never
so when i say i kno, belive me nigga i kno
whether its weed, extasy, hard, or that blow
believe me i kno...believe me i kno..

11:06am: i got it non-stop, come an get it.

these are my streets, so you better talk to me
if you lookin for some shit, its gonna cost a fee
this is my grind, i dont got time to fuck around
you thinkin bout playin, ima put u in the ground
im as real as it gets, so just give me the cash
or else ill get it, by gettin glocks out the stash
this aint no game man, this is how i live my life
24's on the benz, is what im tryna give the wife
you make it hard for me, ima make it hard for you
as a matter of fact, believe i got the hard shit too
dont call me directly, bitch dont even call me at all
ill get in touch with u, when them shell casings fall
this is strictly buissness, so keep that in mind
this is strictly buissness, so i stay on my grind
we more then real niggas, consider us soldiers
the way we clap the heat, ride thru an just fold ya

11:34am: i been in this a long time, i am hustler music
and they can say what they want, but i really do it
the system makes you realize, whos real an whos not
well i dont give a fuck, unless i get caught
in that case homie, theres a big problem
but i dont talk, i walk up and just solve them
the melody of real music, explains one self
an the habbit of drugs, destroys one health
theres a bigger picture, you gotta step back
anyone who realizes that, is already in the trap
i dont mold evrey youngblood, unless i see potential
i explain the game, and show them drugs are mental
show them how to walk, untill there runnin laps
show them how to talk, untill there pullin straps
finally fuck studio gangstas frontin like p.diddy
i tell my niggas get the cash, go run your city

12:52pm: when people say the trap, they aint even kno
money they be exchangin, for these bricks of blow
cant be on my level, so you need to stand tall
an if you need to re-up, dont be afraid to call
from soft white to hard white, or maybe sum beans
i got the right prescription, for high self esteem
i gotta move this shit, somebody better buy this right
or ima flip the fuck out, an somebody gonna die tonight
bet you heard this before, evreybody sells drugs in the south
but the difference in me is, ill put a fuckin gun in your mouth
dealers wanna give me there shit, why the fuck is that
its because they dont kno a damn thing about this crack
listen im a god, a king, lets just say im higher power
and bet you cant find a nigga, with some better powder
talkin sideways out ya mouth, leave ya floatin like a boat
cuz fuckin with this real nigga, ima fuckin cut ya throat

10:52am: i cant motherfuckin help it, im leannnnin and rockin
pull this glock out then, the shit gets to poppin
tear the whole street up, nigga bodys start droppin
the whole clicks fallin, so that mouth is stoppin
you dont kno me nigga, so i suggest you step back
ima real street nigga, and you kno i stay strapped
listen here shawty, im well connected in these streets
im well connected with this beef, i well connected with these heats
no one can tell me a damn thing, bout this coke and crack
i cook them pots just right, get ready fiends is commin back
so im sayin sumthin, nigga you better listen up
cuz if ya ass play stupid, ya ass is gettin stuck
you might heard my click, bitch we run this town
and if you got a problem, b-bear will spray rounds
in case yo ass forgot, CARPENTERS RUN SAT THE FUCK DOWN
nigga CR dont even exsist, cuz we blew you off the map
thats cuz we dedicated hustlers, stayin in the trap